whats been wrong with me

so this may come as a big shocker to u (not) but im bipolar i refuse to take any meds for it for reasons i dont feel i should go into on here but will share if you e-mail. So needless 2 say i deal with really bad depression alot. I tend to hold things in for weeks or months at a time and just let it build up till im a sobbing mess at witch point i wait till every1 is asleep find a place to be alone and just cry and cry and cry for about 6 hours. I no hard to belive its possible 2 cry that long. this is what i was dealin with last night id hit that point. Its a point thats very hard on me and sadly it does not help at all. My self esteem has really takwn sum hits l8ly and that makes this that much worse i think i need to stop bloggin for now im startin 2 hit a wall of tears again. i think im gonna go read and try and think about a made up world instead of the one i stuck in

so i was right

about last night I finely managed 2 fall asleep at about 4am and then that sleep was anything but peacefull. i then woke up at like 630and was up 4 the day. i need a break but thats not gonna happen

so its gonna be one of those nights

I cant fall asleep for the tears. so much in my head so much to be said no clue what to do oh the joy of bein me

Its I dont wensday

so its been a few weeks since i did i dont wensday so here we go.

I dont cook as balanced meals as i should
I dont always put away every thing we get at the store as soon as we get home.
I dont stay up l8uer then my hubby. even if im not tired I go lay down with him and read or play on my laptop
I dont really make time for myself
I dont take my kids to the dr on time
I dont take vitamins.
I dont eat roast.
I dont know all my 1st cusins names.
I dont drive on the other side of the river, i will get lost lol.
I dont make my bed very often
I dont change outta pjs for days at a time lol.

happy 21st birthday me

so yesterday was my 21st birthday. I got gifts all weekend. It started off with me coming home friday to my gifts from my hubby. A new plat screen for our livingroom, a wii,wii fit,wii sports resort and tons of asessories for said wii. after stayin up late playin the will with my sis in law i finely went to bed at about 230. we then woke up at 7 so russell and my darling father in law could paint our bed room b4 we had company that night. I want to share a few pix of my new bed room. I just love it.


this is my new bed set. It is so soft and comfy.


this is what my room looks like from the door ive had that lamp in my living room since we got married and decided it would look cute in our room since the light in our cieling fan is broke lol.



i took this to try and show you how the paint on our walls shimmers. I just love it tho it has to get another layer cuz its very streaky.

so after that was done laura and chris came over to eat and play games we played the wii then i gave her blog a make over. Go see it. I think itsmy best work yet. also did u no you can set up ur blog where you can blog by text or email. I had no clue till i set hers to do it. Then after midnight they left and we went to bed. we got up at about 1045 sunday and started gettin ready for lunch we met lots of our family at copelands for my bday lunch. It was reall good but i was not happy that they would not let us all sit at one table they will only go up to tables of 10. so we had to have a 2nd table for my mom dad sis gma and robby. but it was right beside the other one so what ever. we then went to my inlaws for yummy cookie cake. Idk y but i wanted one this year here it is



I also opened my gifts. i got all the following

From russells cuz kara and her hubby I got one of my fav snacks and biggest preg cravings Pickeled eggs yummy. And so thoughtfull since i just mentioned in passing one day that I love them.

from his grandparents i got a blender, makeup case, nail polish, hair st8ner,and new pillow.

from laura and chris i got a shot glass from the house of blues in vagas(i colect shot glasses so feel free to send me one from where u live lol) colored wii remothe jackets, a book i been wanting to read, a barns & noble gift card.

russells parents got me my canon power shot ive been wantin its even the right color lol the same blue as my room and a case 2 go with it.

Shanna my SIS in law got me a wii skiing game.

then my sis got me the cutest thing of bath stuff.



my sis and i always get each other bathstuff becuz if you no us you no we love it and do not belive any bath is complete with out some form of smell goods lol. this set tho was super cute i love the lil rack and all the big glass bottels. it has bubble bath, body lotion, hand soap, body spray, shower gel, bath oil and bath salts. and its all my fav scent lavender. so thats the break down of my gifts so far my parents and grandma forgot 2 get theres ahead of time so ill get it l8er lol.