•Day 3 — Your parents

for this one im writing to my father and stepmother.

  dear mom and dad,
I'm sorry i have not lived up to your standards. I know i disappoint you day after day. But you need to understand that I am living my life not yours. I know you wanted so much more for and from me, but i am making myself happy. Every time Ive tried to do what would make you happy i have not only failed but made myself miserable. I am not my sister I nvr was as pretty or as smart as her. I wish you wouldn't compare me to her so much. It really hurts when you make comments about how proud you are of at lest one of your daughters. Dad a couple thanksgivings ago you went as far as to make a comment about how at least one of us gurls was goin some where in life and not a day goes by where i dont think of this statement and want to cry. I did so much to try and please you. You also did so much damage to me though the years that I still deal with. I remember as a child you would tell me things like "your fat no man will ever want you" "you are completely useless" "your just like your mother and if I saw her on the side of the street on fire i wouldnt take the time to piss on her" These things hurt me so much I believed them true for so many years and i still battle with believing them. dad i remember once you punished me by refusing to tell me you loved me for over a month. This hurt me in so many ways. Honestly I feel like you couldnt truly love me cuz if you did you would nvr want a day to go by were I was not reassured of your love.  Another thing that I nvr said to you guys was hearing you talk about who was goin to the hospital with me when i tried to kill myself when i was 14. Do you guys remember that day. You would think the fight would be becuz both parents cared so much they wanted to be there, but no niether of you wanted to go and i remember clearly as the ambulance door shut mom you said "its your kid you go" not only did you not claim me as your own but you refered to me as it. Like i was a dog needing to be taken to the vet. I still to this day honestly think that if i could have been admitted without eiter of you going then you both would have staid home. Also lets go to something more reacent. In dec I really wanted to come home for christmas and you wouldnt even let me make a cot on the floor so i could do that. So instead of being home for the holidays I spent them completely alone.  You have hurt me so much over the years that i dont see how i could ever recover